Oh Scarlett, Why?

"I would so marry Johnny Depp...if I weren't dating you." I don't really feel that way about any actresses. But I have to admit, Scarlett Johannson is fucking hot as hell. And I can't think of a role I didn't like her in.

But she had go and put an album out. I know actors doing albums and musicians doing movies isn't a new idea. Some really terrible instances of the former come to mind: Russel Crowe's band 30 Odd Foot of Grunts, Keanu's band Dogstar, and Jadda Pinket Smith's metal band Wicked Wisdom (head over to their MySpace and check out their cover of U2's "One").

There are a couple good projects though. I've been really enjoying She & Him. It's Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward. (Bright Eyes, Norah Jones, Jenny Lewis, Neko Case, etc.). 30 Seconds to Mars (Jared Leto) , though not really my thing, made a killing commercially [I just realized that last bit is pun; it may be lame (as most are), but it's still a pun].

Ok, so at this point you might be wondering why I'm so pissed about Scarlett Johannson putting an album out.

1. She can't sing. And granted some of my favorite singer don't exactly have golden pipes but I'll be damned if they don't make up for it somehow. Whether it be with instrumentation/composition or lyrical ability.

2. It's an album of covers. That in itself I don't have a problem with. In an interview she said that she is neither a lyricist or a musician. But she decided to do an entire album of Tom Waits songs.

A Tom Waits song is an entire package. It's a guy with the roughest voice you've ever heard singing cryptic lyrics over fucked up jazz/blues in a smoky bar in a seedy part of L.A. When I think Scarlett Johannson, I don't see any similarities.

Ok, ok I do cover songs of my favorite artists too. But I would never dare do an entire cover album of one specific artist. Wouldn't you rather say, "Hey I like all kinds of cool music."?

She herself doesn't add anything to these songs except her bad singing. The backing band isn't bad though. But honestly, you can't really go anywhere with a Tom Waits song. They're pretty timeless.

I could probably go on and on with this. But writing this all out helps because I'm sure Mel is really sick of hearing about it.